Cleaner

http://www.aetv.com/the-cleaner/

Imagine: an hour of Benjamin Bratt giving advice in a harsh, angry-soulful voice: "I know what it's like...I know what it's like to fire up that spoon and feel invincible for that first 3 minutes...so what you wanna do, man? be another rock star cliche?" AND FUCKING SO ON.


I don't want to do a long sass-dance about addiction-drama media in general, because lord knows I'll always be deeply critical of anything claiming 'shockingly REAL' portrayals of cutting, addiction, disorders, depression, etc. They're silly and overdramatic. Ta-da.

The Cleaner, however, is particularly insulting--because i really don't think the creators know how preachy, silly, and totalitarian they are. For example:

1. Unless someone is drinking molten lava, it will usually take more than, say, 4 seconds after consumption to have an allergic reaction/ overdose.

2. Meeting people and asking them to help you find drugs ON THE SAME DAY is not very inconspicuous.

3. 'Hey....I've BEEN there! I KNOW what you're going through!' is not a magical phrase that knocks addicts out of apathy and establishes the speaker as a sage, healing figure. Sorry.

4. Please tell me this show isn't taking air time away from Breaking Bad...Breaking Bad is far more awesome

5. Drug mules aren't often 105 pound rich white chicks. Sorry again.

6. Friends who use aren't evil 'bad egg' types who force Your Good Daughter into bad situations. There's been a problem, it's Your Good Daughter's problem, and shooing away her 'bad' friend won't help a bit.

7. I hate Benjamin Bratt so much. Used to not really mind him. But apparently he's his own, personal jesus.

8. 'I hope she's ok...' 'She will be.' Really? REALLY?

9. It's strange that Mr.Cleaner is so damn astute about every stanger he meets, but hasn't noticed that his daughter has an anxiety disorder and his wife is clearly underweight.

10. Forcing someone to clean up over a weekend and shoving them into rehab is the worst imaginable way to facilitate lasting change, you dumb didactic fucks.




*sigh*



Oh, thank god. House is on. Where the drama is intentional and the addictions aren't solved by magic.





edited to add:

TV Promo: House can cure one more thing...end-of-the-weekend-itis!
Boyf: Swelling of the end of the weekend?
Me: *sigh* no-one enjoys your grammatical nit-picking, baby.