Happiness Is

This is probably my favorite picture in the world: Ashley, me and my cousin Ali sitting on the steps (I swear, judging by the photos, I spent 90% of my childhood sitting on stairs)...me showing off a lil' crotch, Ali and Ashley smiling like nerds, and my arms bent out of their sockets hugging them both to me.

I miss Ashley so much, more than I thought possible. On TV, people die, people mourn and two weeks later it's all drained down to a dramatic pause every now and then. Or a single cleansing binge with alcohol. Or the bereaved wander about the world's rim for a bit, see a butterfly, and know all is right and good.

Butterflies are NOT that helpful in real life. Anyone who tells you differently is an insect sympathizer and should be lined up along the courtyard wall, if you follow me.



I had pasta during lunch and, while slurping, got alfredo sauce in my eye. Wearing glasses, even. All of a sudden I miss Ashley with a force I casn't describe, just thinking about how much she'd tease me for being so, so damn clumsy. I miss her when life is hard, when it's fun, and when it's rediculous. I accept the bittersweet reality that I'll miss her all my life.






"Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters."