Cotyledon

movin'

2009-01-02T10:31:00.000-08:00

http://blog.jadybrooks.com/

happy new blog, y'all

Dec 29, 2008

2008-12-29T18:27:00.000-08:00

Lots of things going on. New computer, new blog coming soon...

How was Utah? Boyf was wonderful and my family loves him. Me too, actually.

Also I have a serious rice-a-roni addiction starting. mmmm...

Crash

2008-12-16T13:51:00.000-08:00

My computer died.

Yes, my harddrive crashed. You may remember a similar event when my last hard drive crashed and then my sister died. God what a crappy month THAT was. I really...really miss that computer. *sigh*

Anyway, my computer is dead, so I'm using Boyf's until I get a replacement. I gave him the 2nd bedroom when we moved in, (if you live with me, I assume you need a separate space to avoid the occasional crazystorm) but now I'm taking all the time I can online and editing, because I am addicted to the internet. I feel bad revoking the privacy of Boyf's room...but not bad enough to leave the house for an internet cafe in winter.

We're flying to SLC on the 23rd for christmas with my family. Hmm.

Now that I think about it, I really need to give Pad some space before he's surrounded by Utahns. He has no idea...no idea...

Less is More

2008-11-30T16:15:00.000-08:00

I don't like to talk about Boyf that often, or rather not about stuff between the two of us. We live together now, so it'd be pretty hard to not mention SOME conversations, but we're a fairly private duo.

Boyf is MUCH more private than I. Less dramatic too. Like that'd be an effort.

So...

I really like dating this man. That is all.

Akeelah and the Bee

2008-11-22T18:27:00.000-08:00

In movie-to-food terms, it's comfort food, but a good meal.

and PERFECT for me and Dante and Cormac to do make-overs and gossip about boys!

silver cormac-lining

2008-11-19T16:16:00.000-08:00

It's pitch black at 6pm, I'm watching a show about HUGE frogs from, like south america or something, and I have no job.

It'd be easy to go mad if i didn't have this cute puppy creature to keep me company.

Sam W. Soothing Message #1

2008-11-12T13:11:00.000-08:00

Hello, Jady. I'm Sam Waterston.

You may know me as a soothing, knowlegable attorney on TV's Law and Order, as well as guest spot on several other series in the Dick Wolf family of entertainment. I'm quite comforting and well-spoken.

I believe you may have need of my influence, Jady.

Many people worry, in their mid-20s, that they've mis-stepped in their professional and, ha ha, yes, personal paths. That isn't so. You're awesome, Jady.

I approve of your prudent use of your spare time to bake cookies as well as the later extrapolation you've made to give edible treats as holiday gifts this year.

You are also at a lovely weight and I like your hair.

I know you may be feeling lethargic and weak this week, but remember, vitamins are there for a reason! You deserve the best of health, Jady.

Thanks again for allowing me a moment of your time. I'll just stand here and make soothing noises whilst you rest.

Theeere you go. rest, rest. good girl.

Cloverdale, IN

2008-11-08T19:12:00.001-08:00

Me: You know, Sister actually said she felt uncomfortable with me being here.
1: Oh, I don't know why you'd say that, Jady.
Me: Uh...why would I lie?
1: I don't know, Jady. I'm not THAT kind of doctor.

You know, one moment, your fractured relationship with your mom and stepdad seems to be knitting up nicely. The next moment, they call you a liar and a lunatic.

Maybe one of them will try to convince me that I'm making up my depression again. Because, as y'all have seen, depressed is the funnest thing to be EVER. Sister, on the other hand, doesn't seem interested in spending time with me at all over the weekend. As in refused to hang out at all........SO glad I came.

I'm rethinking a visit home for xmas.

p.s. I considered NOT posting this blog, but chose to a)record this trip for future warnings against optimism and b)tell Cloverdale, Indiana to officially fuck OFF.

Cleaner

2008-11-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

http://www.aetv.com/the-cleaner/

Imagine: an hour of Benjamin Bratt giving advice in a harsh, angry-soulful voice: "I know what it's like...I know what it's like to fire up that spoon and feel invincible for that first 3 minutes...so what you wanna do, man? be another rock star cliche?" AND FUCKING SO ON.

I don't want to do a long sass-dance about addiction-drama media in general, because lord knows I'll always be deeply critical of anything claiming 'shockingly REAL' portrayals of cutting, addiction, disorders, depression, etc. They're silly and overdramatic. Ta-da.

The Cleaner, however, is particularly insulting--because i really don't think the creators know how preachy, silly, and totalitarian they are. For example:

1. Unless someone is drinking molten lava, it will usually take more than, say, 4 seconds after consumption to have an allergic reaction/ overdose.

2. Meeting people and asking them to help you find drugs ON THE SAME DAY is not very inconspicuous.

3. 'Hey....I've BEEN there! I KNOW what you're going through!' is not a magical phrase that knocks addicts out of apathy and establishes the speaker as a sage, healing figure. Sorry.

4. Please tell me this show isn't taking air time away from Breaking Bad...Breaking Bad is far more awesome

5. Drug mules aren't often 105 pound rich white chicks. Sorry again.

6. Friends who use aren't evil 'bad egg' types who force Your Good Daughter into bad situations. There's been a problem, it's Your Good Daughter's problem, and shooing away her 'bad' friend won't help a bit.

7. I hate Benjamin Bratt so much. Used to not really mind him. But apparently he's his own, personal jesus.

8. 'I hope she's ok...' 'She will be.' Really? REALLY?

9. It's strange that Mr.Cleaner is so damn astute about every stanger he meets, but hasn't noticed that his daughter has an anxiety disorder and his wife is clearly underweight.

10. Forcing someone to clean up over a weekend and shoving them into rehab is the worst imaginable way to facilitate lasting change, you dumb didactic fucks.

*sigh*

Oh, thank god. House is on. Where the drama is intentional and the addictions aren't solved by magic.

edited to add:

TV Promo: House can cure one more thing...end-of-the-weekend-itis!
Boyf: Swelling of the end of the weekend?
Me: *sigh* no-one enjoys your grammatical nit-picking, baby.

In the Hood

2008-10-29T19:04:00.001-07:00

Watching Leprechaun 5 (Leprechaun in the Hood), distressing sparkly jeans for a great halloween costume, with a cute boyf on his way home. Dare life be awesomer?

Ice-T: (as a mean pimp in L5:LitH) I hope you had sex last night, because I'm going to come over there and cut off your dick!

I LOVE halloween movies.

Flu-thulu

2008-10-28T17:48:00.000-07:00

I've been holed up in the apartment for the last 3 days, coughing up green and yellow slugs. My body aches, I have no job, I'm not doing a show, my mom wants me to get a job, oh yes she does, and I've felt much, MUCH prettier.

So, basically, I'm writing a post because boyf's off at his Pub Quiz and I'm too sore to sleep. Instead, I'm running a bath with Epsom salts, sewing a few stuffed animals, and watching House so I feel guilty about not saving lives.

TV makes me feel guilty.

*sigh*

Not that I'd fly to Africa and treat TB sufferers, not on my paycheck, but Damn, Cuddy looks good for a doctor. Doctors don't normally look that good. Hell, actresses that age don't normally look that good.

I'm taking a bath for Boyf, mostly. He shouldn't have to suffer just because I'm too tired to wash up.

edited to add: David was moved from the hospital to a rehab center, where he works out for 3 hours a day, and has all sorts of bars and rails and nurse-types to help him move around. I imagine all the employees are dressed in tuxedos, and everything is beautifully choreographed. Mostly because I'm inclined to think of life in musical seqauences, and a lil' bit because I hate thinking about my mom's husband in pain.

Robert the Old

2008-10-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

It's my sister's senior weekend in two days, and I'm a little shocked to realize she's...um...grown up.

The picture above, at Robyn's high school graduation, astounds me. It was during the Weeks of Crazy, June 3-June 15, 2005.

June 3rd-Mom's Birthday/Ashley dies
June 5th-Ashley's viewing
June 6th-Robyn's Graduation
June 7th-Ashley's Memorial
June 9-11-Joel's Wedding (our cousin and my god-brother)
June 15th-Robyn's Birthday

I could write a book about THAT debacle/celebration/mourning/festival of fucking madness...in fact, I am. Still, I managed to smile at my baby sister's graduation, and that's something.

So now, nearing on 4 years later, she's nearly done with college, and I'm in awe. Robyn has played soccer all four years, she's sustained a GPA I would've killed for, and she's graduating with a degree in MATH. She's also blonde and blue-eyed and gorgeous.

I guess what I'm saying is, I deserve a lot of praise. For not hating her awesome guts.

Yeesh

2008-10-18T23:43:00.000-07:00

My stepdad, shown here in nerdly professor headshot, got in a biking accident this week. He hit his head, so he doesn't quite remember what happened, but his shoulder, ribs, pelvis and kevlar helmet are all broken. Damn. He had surgery today, Mom's been spending nights at the hospital.

I can only imagine how scary this would be as a wife; it's pretty unsettling from 5 states away. Spraining my ankle was an ordeal, mind you, and I've never broken a bone in my body.*

Mom won't let me fly out and David can probably find helpful, numbing drugs on his own, so I'm doing the only thing I can. Signing up for a month of unlimited bikram yoga classes and attempting to get at LEAST as athletic and bad-ass as David.

*yes, I'm aware that's a stupidly fate-challenging thing to say. I'll be wary.

Illin'

2008-10-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

I had just sipped down some Theraflu when my temp agency called, and now I'm sitting at a desk, answering about 10 calls in the span of two hours, and sweating into my nice new outfit. Damn you, Needformoney, Damn you to hell.

I got my security deposit back from my former slumlord this weekend. This whole economy this is just *crampin* my job-style, and I needed the cash. Also, I never have to talk to that awful man ever again. Boyf has been dealing with the new landlord and handling it with greater manners and poise than I could muster. For example:

Boyf said: Hello, I'd like to remind you again that we're still waiting for repairs on the apartment. Give me a call as soon as possible, please.

I would say: Where the hell are you? It's been three weeks, three WEEKS since our dining room ceiling leaked and came a-tumblin' down onto our tv and an irreplacable work of art. Listen, fucker, you better be immobile or contagious with something VILE, or you should have been here, and I will make you regret it.

Boyf said: We've had to make some repairs and re-painted the majority of the apartment, and as per our agreement to have the move-in fee waived, Jady and I will be needing our checks returned before paying this month's rent.

I would say: I don't know what heathen creatures you rented this place to before us, but the walls and windows were absolutely disgusting. You haven't even bothered to provide touch-up paint for correcting the mistakes you made, nor clean prior to our move in...there's still cobwebs in some corners, for gods sake. I'm baffled by your incompetence and wish to remove your spleen.

Boyf said: Thanks, and we'll be in touch soon.

I would say: Get your ass into action, do these repairs, and make it quick. You have no idea the sheer violence and terror of which I am able to wreak upon you. Also you are stupid and fat.

Interview

2008-10-04T09:11:00.000-07:00

Here are the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you 5 questions of a very personal nature.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.

My Questions, courtesy of Jesse Parent:

1. You're only allowed to do one of these. Pick one and explain why: 1) Act in a play 2) improvise 3) work on a novel.

The sad this is, I could be trying to do all three. If I had the time and financial support, I would work on any four novels I've had in the oven for months. The Memoir, the Fairy Tale, the Thriller and the Graphic Novel, not to mention the Fable. I've been doing nothing, NOTHING of creative note beyond making the apartment look cute, and it ires me. *sigh* way to bring me down, Jess, way to ruin the weekend...

2. If you were going to have twins, would you want 2 boys, 2 girls, or 1 of each?

Damn...I'd like to say one of each, but I've been waiting for daughters for so, so long. On the other hand, two boys would be hilarious in comedic stylings...and one each would mean they could solve crime...

3. If you had to live in any other city, besides Chicago, where would it be and why?

I've considered that for a while, actually, and I'd love to live in Portland, Oregon. It's a nice easy drive down to Salt Lake City, which would be a welcome change from never coming home to visit; it's green and lush and publishing-friendly, improv-ful and a lovely place to live.

4. If you traveled back in time and had to babysit yourself at 9 years old, what do you think would be the most challenging?

I actually have no idea how i was at 9, since I can't remember that time in my life...and apparently neither can anyone else in the family. I assume the most difficult thing would be finding a way to entertain 3 girls including a future med-school-rockstar and string-theory-nerd. We were troublesome, I've heard.

5. Describe your ideal job. Not like "empress of the world", but a real job.

writing, obviously.

In the short term? Working as an editor for a solid publishing company, and having enough money and time to volunteer as much as I'd like. In theory, I'd like to work as a counceler or animal-rights-type, but I would cry far FAR too much and take everything very personally...

Palin Failin'

2008-10-02T18:34:00.000-07:00

"Positively affect the impacts"

Boyf: "I feel like I'm losing focus, and not paying attention, but then I realize she's just not making any sense. The language center of my brain can't comprehend what she's...layin' down."
Me: "But seriously, she has a retarded baby."

Quack.

2008-09-29T18:54:00.000-07:00

Me: So you can tell when i'm not taking my meds?
Boyf: Yup.
Me: Is it because I talk really really fast and continue to change topics and can't focus like this?
Boyf: Yes, baby.
Me: Huh. Let's go to Walgreens and get my meds because I haven't been taking them for a few days and i want to get those motherfuckers before I go crazy...Uh, crazier.
Boyf: *kiss* Kay.

I'm watching a show on the Vril Society. Bob the Vril-Master is being profiled. Vril-types apparently fueled all that Hitler noise in the 30's.

Holy shit, now there's a special on 'Scandals of the Ancient Worlds: Egypt'

People, as a race, are pretty damn hilarious.

Jarky!!!

2008-09-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

I promise he is not a jag, despite what wearing a tie over a t-shirt usually means to me.

This is Jarky! Jarky is one of my favorite people, with whom i lose contact for months and months, then talk to and suddenly remember how much I adore. You know, like lox. You don't eat lox for months and months and then one day you remember 'hey, those weird fish thingies are SO delicious! and I could probably order a plate right NOW' and then you do and it's great.

(Of course, I only use that metaphor because Jarky is jewish, like so so jewish, seriously jewish. He shakes and trembles when i make him open an christmas present every year, because it burns him.)

Anyway, Jarky is awesome. So take THAT, Hitler.

Every Morning

2008-09-23T09:08:00.000-07:00

Every morning, I endure THIS FACE as I leave my puppy and go to work. Breaking his heart in the process.

2008-09-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

Did you know I'm obsessive?

Roomie and I have been talking more lately, and I'm enjoying it lots.

But I have to admit, I have no circle of girlfriends, no 'girlz, let's go to the bar and club and do karaoke! Huwwhhah! Squealandsuch!' sort of circle, and it drives me a little bit crazy.

So ladies who read this blog?

I'm starting a poker night. I am. We can drink girly things and I'll kick Boyf out onto the sidewalk and we can talk about how FUN it is to have our cycles line up. Ok?

I'm not good at this socializing thing. THROW ME A BONE! A LADYBONE!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD(DESS) PLEASE!

Hysterical

2008-09-22T10:36:00.001-07:00

You can all stop asking what exactly my uterus looks like now, ok?

Too Mad To Speak

2008-09-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

Without going into too much detail, my father and I spent most of my adolesence apart. I don't remember much about living with him, except small snippets...eating waffles while sitting on the heating vent to stay warm (thanks for actually bringing my plate to me, btw, dad), going to hospitals OFTEN, that time our porch was covered in earwigs, shudder, etc.

I don't remember the divorce, how I reacted, at all. So understand that I can only remember this the time I was angriest at my dad:

He went on a trip, probably a week or weekend, even, and I asked him to send me a card when he did. By the time he came back, the card hadn't shown up yet. So I asked him about it. He said it was probably still in the mail. I asked for a few weeks, and eventually he apologized, and explained it was probably lost in the mail. Actually, he never sent a card at all.

Now, I know I'm a neurotic person, and I know I linger over-much on people letting me down. I spent a lot of time as a kid, alone, or waiting for someone to come through for me, who never quite did. Probably why I hate having someone else in charge of something I care about more than do they. I would have felt so much better if he'd just admitted he never sent the card, ok? Sorry. Didn't follow through.

It's the 'oh, someday, honey', bullshit that made me frustrated, furious, and humiliated when i realized he was just placating me. Yes, when I was, like, 4, I still didn't like being placated. PLACATED is a fun word. ok.

BUT

Don't make promises you can't or don't intend to keep. Just don't.
I would rather expect NOTHING
than look like an idiot waiting around
for something that won't happen.

Don't want to do it anymore? Can't, you say?
Let me know, jerk, so i can stop waiting for you.

Street Fight

2008-09-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

This one's for you, Kendra. and NO you are not the fat lady in the comic. But you would cheer her on.

2008-09-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

ReRun

2008-09-16T06:30:00.001-07:00

English Major's Poem

I can find a metaphor in a glass of milk.
first, the obvious
nourishment contained
milk in a container of heated, frozen sand
the sand a herald of the ocean
mother, maiden, lover, widow-maker
grains of time and salty tears
tears and milk
the constant sorrow and food
of women
the white sands of the Atlantic shore
soft and and small and itching
the first holiday after my sister died
and the family couldn't bear to be at home
and my sister
counting down hours
regressing into a calorie-free childhood
where milk was too rich a drink and glass
too transparent
The windows at night with an ambulance outside
drinking ensure and purging
red lights flashing
the TV on well after midnight
because she couldn't sleep
and my mother, we return to the milk
fighting with her child
her eldest daughter
lasping into seizure with her hands clenched
and cold like glass, and pale, chalky
a glass of milk

Sweeney was Subtle?

2008-09-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

Whilst filling my prescription at Walgreens, Boyf and I perused the rows Halloween goods and costumes and tested all the noise-making figurines and displays for the season, because we are both very mature adults. Boyf pointed out which clowns on the makeup packaging were probably assholes in real life, and I bought two DVDs with old-timey spooky movies and cartoon reels.

So far we've watched about 75% of Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street Starring Tod Slaughter (I feel that borders on typecasting, which is WRONG), a cult actor known for performing as the villian in victorian melodramas; the british Bela Lugosi, y'might say. He wrings his hands, cackles, and chews scenery like no other, my friends.

It helps, of course, that in this version of the story, Sweeney isn't sympathetic. He's just a barber that kills people for money and fun. Mrs.Lovett helps him clean up and splits the profits. Sweeney lends money to the fleet owner, then uses this leverage to try and force the fleet owner's daughter, Joanna, to marry him.

He's kind of a dick.

*gasp* check out how much I rule! I found it online, to watch, right-now-ish! Enjoy!

Lots of free time

2008-09-15T06:27:00.000-07:00

100 Posts!!!

2008-09-12T12:12:00.000-07:00

OhMyHeck guys SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

feel free to buy me a drink or send all the gifts you want!!!

2008-09-11T14:38:00.000-07:00

I have ansense of humor.

Scanner + Boredom = Comedy GOLD

2008-09-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

Poorly hiding my amusement as a couple have a loud, shallow, pointless fight on the bus

I Laughed out Loud, But Still...

2008-09-10T15:01:00.001-07:00

Boyf, sending me a text to let me know the oven was installed and working:

Stove is gassy and super hot, so you two will have lots to talk about.

*sigh*

What a jerk.

Let's Get This in the Open

2008-09-10T08:11:00.000-07:00

Yeah...

I'm very uncomfortable with how beautiful my little sister has become.

No I will NOT introduce you to her. Scram, buddy.

2004

2008-09-09T09:15:00.001-07:00

When I read my old blog--and believe me, it takes a lot of boredom to resort to THAT-- it's hard to imagine being quite as unhappy and without boundaries as I was.

That is to say...I wrote about things then that I'd never mention now, and I CLEARLY fixated much more. I credit this growth entirely to my family and friends' support.

It's not often that I find a quote I'd want to repeat word for word...and it's even rarer that I take the time to mention how happy I am.

Hear that, Ashley, mom, family, friends? I'm really fucking happy.

September 2004:

"I love you all, you freaks, you braniacs, you snobs, you show-tune namers, you former Elpers, you improvisors, you showoffs, you wonderful wonderful WONDERFUL people."

To. Do.

2008-09-08T11:48:00.000-07:00

Let's see...

Buy litterbox, watering fountain, baggies for the pets
unpack all bags, boxes, and hollow objects used to transport stuff
put bike in downstairs storage
receive deliver of TV stand and dresser drawers
assemble stand, dresser, and living room lamp
unpack new appliances, dishes, sheets, blankets, towels and pictures
hang shower curtain with liner
paint dining room, living room (and hall), bedroom 1 and 2, kitchen walls and bathroom tiles
laundry: wash, dry, fold, put away
connect cable
connect stove to gas line
stock up on groceries
move pet food to Tupperware, place cat food in location out of reach of dog.
paint window trim on rooms
sew and hang curtains
buy desk, dining table and chairs
set up wireless Internet
send baby blanket
take care of dog and cat
take pills
hang pictures
write story treatment for publisher
rehearsal and filming of web-com pilot
save up money for pad's xmas gift, which will be pretty schweet
get deposit from old apartment, buy xmas gifts THEN instead of in December when I'm freezing and less rich
change address at post office, bank, netflix, etc.

So...no. No, casual acquaintance; Despite how many emails you mass-mail me, I do not want to watch you crappy improv show.

Baby 2: Clarification-ed!

2008-09-05T11:15:00.000-07:00

Warning: This is a girl, girl post. Don't read ahead unless you're comforatable knowing just how much of a Girl I am.

The eggs pouring out of my ovaries are plugging up my veins and hindering bloodflow to my brain, so all i can think about are BABIES and I want to clear a few things up:

1) How the hell do people know their exact conception date? if I'm planning on getting pregnant, we better be having sex pretty damn often, y'all. It's called statistics. Look it up.

2) I get to hold my tummy and caress it lovingly the MOMENT that strip turns blue.

3) people need to come up with a less repugnant name for 'mucus'.

4)Ohmygod I do not want to ever hear your name suggestions, birthing suggestions, or lotion recomendations. You are not allowed to touch my belly just because it's huge. In fact, you best keep comments to yourself unless I go into labor on the bus and ask you for advice, bee-otch. This is MY baby and tummy. go ruin your own.

5) I think I already eat enough for two.

Oh, Baby

2008-09-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

(Clearly i WILL look this cute when pregnant.)

Apart from a few cousins, and a few friends in different states, I've been yet able to avoid Pregnancy. Friver has had two kids already, yes, but this is the first time since our friendship began. I've been thinking on the topic much more than expected.

The entire process is just strange, people. I would make so much more sense to me if people laid eggs. In fact, i can't think of (and refuse to try) a single thing better for humanity than gaining the ability to lay eggs.

People could sign them. Like casts. With cute markers or pens. That's just ONE of the many benefits.

More thoughts later. By the way, moving? Never Again.

Huh.

2008-08-30T19:58:00.001-07:00

I've never really wondered if a Postsecret card was directed at me. This is the closest any of them have come. Spoooooooooky.

Florabunda!

2008-08-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

My first art purchase for the new apartment.

thank you, The Awesome etsy.com.

2008-08-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

So I quit my job on friday. Then I got a new job offer on Moday. Suck on that, Everyone. Or more specifically...everyone lacking job skills and the ability to ever once in their life have a non theater-related job but somehow squeezes out a pittance-based, pitiful existance and finds pleasure only in the ultimately futile attempts to rise above mediocrity YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH, you know who you are, bitches.

I'm already enjoying my first 2 days here more than i did at the candy factory, and I think they just may keep me. It's a receptionist position, so my job entails preping conference rooms, answering the phone, scheduling meetings, and generally saying 'yes sir, when sir, of course sir, my you look handsome sir, good joke sir'. I can do that. Oh goodness can I ever.

I also have free time to email many, many people, visit websites, and post blogs. In fact, if you see my site looking slight different, reader-san, that's because i work for a design firm and god damn it, my personal blog better reflect the commitment I've made to this place. After two days. As a temp-to-hire. I have great, great passion.

Waiting Game

2008-08-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

Friver is expecting his 2nd son (3rd child) any day now. He's incredibly stressed, as one can well imagine-- not only prepping for the emergence of a screaming, demanding, wholly amoral parasite, (aww), but setting up for the birth itself at home, and working overmuch to get ahead before he loses the abily to sleep an entire night.

Boyf has been out of town for 9 days, and it turns out I HATE having Boyf out of town for 9 days. He comes back tomorrow night, and then we spend the next week packing, moving, getting stuff and setting up a home together. I'm thrilled to be doing so, I'm so so damn excited to live together and have things together and have romantic dinners sometimes at a real dining table and all these wonderful things that form a montage of awesome in my mind... although all I want right now is the ability to meet him at home and watch silly tv together.

For Friver and me, it's time to hurry up and wait, get everything as prepped as possible and pray we didn't forget anything crucial. God damn, I hate the waiting game.

Chipped

2008-08-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

My teeth are nearly 50% false in front, since I had horrible, horrible teeth as a child, and my doctor in Utah is a miracle worker. I went from my braces getting removed to Dr.L, who worked tirelessly to give me an entirely different mouth. it was incredible. I got ten times hotter that very day (grinch-ed!).

This morning, however, one of the front teeth lost a side--don't ask me how it came loose--and now I look like a hillbilly.

I'm actually looking forward to go to the dentist. They're still the doctors who I think do the best consistant job, don't screw up and let people die, and frankly know eating disorders a lot quicker than the squibs in the ER triage room.

2008-08-20T13:36:00.001-07:00

When I don't have anything interesting to do, i doodle.

I will miss nothing about this job except the access to fun office supplies, and all the pens I took home with me.

Rise and Shine

2008-08-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I got a stern email from my boss on the matter of arriving 6 minutes late (3 by my clock) and not even making a formal apology. *sigh* She doesn't like my slutty pedal pushers either.

Still, I went to bed fairly early snd shook myself out of bed at 6 am, stumbling in the dark to get dressed and walk the dog.

Aside---This, by the way, is my 5th day of No Electricity, because my landlord can't be bothered to send an electrician. If it's not fixed today, I'll hire someone myself and bill the managment company. Furthermore, I am so damn pleased to be moving.

oh, also??? Pad and I got the apartment we wanted, a sweet 2-bedroom with living room, dining room, kitchen and walk-in pantry. The master bedroom is sunny and the laundry is just down the back stairwell, Dante will be mewling at birds from our 3rd story windows and Cormac will play fetch with me out on the lawn. The small bedroom is to be the computer-game-and-sewing room...when either Pad or I want to get our Nerdhobby on. ---/Aside

I don't think the Starbucks lady could have acted more disgusted when I ordered my 5-shot venti mocha this morning, but then again, she doesn't sit in an overwarm, silent office all day. Considering my tolerance to drugs, we should all be thankful caffine still gets me pumped enough without mixing in half a bottle of trucker pills.

Pack it UP

2008-08-11T04:41:00.000-07:00

I'm just contemplating how much stuff I have to clean, pack, and move. Once I get the approval on my apartment and sign the new lease. Sign the new lease with my boyf. And then he's out of town for a week or so while I get ready to haul this stuff to new digs. with my boyf.

I am Jady's brain, thrilled and terrified.

I am become headache.

Trim

2008-08-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

Gave myself a lil haircut before moving and cleaning EAT MY BRAIN.

Petted

2008-08-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

One of the best perks of having a dog is getting (or giving yourself, I suppose) permission to act like a goofy kid. When i'm with my Corms, I don't feel silly, jumping up and down, running in circles, arriving at home after work with my baby whining to see me and being equally excited to give each other kisses.

I've been giving th' pup extra attention this week, due in part as a reaction to Dana's passing. No stranger to grief, I can only imagine how Glynn is feeling, losing his buddy...to his credit, he's handling it like a champ. ((When Sapphire died, I was an absolute wreck; my mom actually flew out to Cali to tell Ash. To her death, Ashley still couldn't discuss the matter without sobbing))

So Pad and I gave Cormac a lecture and now he is NOT allowed to die until he's at LEAST as old as Dana (18). Oh, and Dante is grandfathered into a 2-decade agreement.

This morning Cormac and Dante woke me up early, because they were starving and thirsting to death and also needed treats and ice cubes and tummy scratches and also ear scratches and also to bat at the curtain while I showered and sit on my feet while I ate breakfast and also take a walk to pee and be scared of a plastic bag on the sidewalk and then mew at me until I lifted them up onto the counter so they wouldn't have to jump all three feet to get to the food bowl. POOR DARLINGS.

Summer

2008-07-27T20:22:00.000-07:00

I want to preserve the moment when I realized I wasn't constantly cold, I was actually getting color in my skin, and I made friends with a sweet lesbian couple (dog's name, I kid you not: Butch) who took a picture of Cormac and me on the beach...about 5 minutes after Cormac stopped wrestling with their babygirl,

who was kickin' his booty,

and trotted over to the girls, who were burying one another in the sand, accessed the situation, and peed on the currently entombed lady. *sigh* Smooth move, Corms, smooth move.

*thank god they had a sense of humor and shrieked and giggled instead of, as I would do, punching Cormac in the face.

Grouches

2008-07-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

BF: it amazes me how much you can worry over one person not liking you.

It may shock you, reader-type, but not everyone likes me. Likewise, I don't like everyone. I've worked very hard in the last few years on manners and treating people well...after being rather shocked at certain behavior. BUT TODAY I AM AT MY LIMIT OF HOLDING BACK. So totally openly and honestly, let me just say:

-I talked to you about my sister's incredibly difficult death. That does NOT mean you should write a sketch about a similar family situation, ending with one sister smothering the other in a hospital room. No, that would be awful to do.

- it is not your business if I do or do not attend church, nor does my relationship with god influence your life in any significant way.

-If you insist on spreading horrible rumors about me, don't be surprised when I comment on that extra few tires you're carrying around your belly.

-yes, I will be be on the phone the entire time you try and sign me up for your charity. I don't donate to foundations interupting my conversation, on the street, every damn morning.

-you don't like me. Telling your friends that I need to be fucked into silence is in poor taste; telling them so on an online forum is idiotic.

-we broke up. Handle it. Handle it like you're not 12 and a girl.

-you don't like dogs. You live in a dog friendly apartment building. FAIL.

WHEW.

normally I'm a very sweet girl.

Did I mention I adore my boyfriend?

Ch-ch-chANGES!

2008-07-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

so, Reader-san, The time comes to make good on certain promises i made myself on the condition that I found a job. First of all, I have to start working out again. Which is somewhat ironic, since now I have less time than ever, and more to get done. still, if I neglect myself for much longer, I'm in danger of turning into a complete asshole, neglectful of my poor lil' body and soul.

Also...there's a lot of delicious chewing gum around the office, so I'll have delightful choices of flavors when I run. Still, I can't completely change my life without suffering a nervous breakdown, so I'm setting goals and moving slow.

Summer Goals!!!

Take a yoga class or, as Kendra suggested, get a yoga video and DO it. Running is all well and good for detox and cardio (I use abrevs cus I'm totes buzzy an' can't waste t'time, y'all), but yoga will get my flexibility back to where I should be at 23...namely, not a tense lil' wreck. I will stretch my hamstrings long enough to touch my toes for *minutes* on end, so help me god.

Fix my long-suffering feet. Gymnastics, soccer, chronic clumsiness, public transit...I've abused these poor guys, and they're horribly ingrown on their best days. I recently attempted home-made surgery and tore out the edges that'd grown into my big toe, and that was RETARDEDER THAN A THOUSAND RETARDEDS. So now my toes are cut open, my nails are yellow and GROSS, my skin is calloused and my patience is UP. I want picture-pretty feet, healthy and feeling great, by Christmas morning. I will be asking Santa for some cute-ass slippers. I start, with soaking and scrubbing and de-fungaling, tonight. I'll take before and after pictures, so prepare for the horror.

High Five!

2008-07-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

Cover your ears, Ye of little strength....

I!!!!! GOT!!!!!! A!!!!!!! JOB!!!!!!!!!

high five!

(is this not the nerdest picture I've ever taken? It may as well be the cover of 'Happy Fuzzy Family' magazine. GOD, I loathe that magazine)

I'm working on a Database for a Big Company that makes Edible Product. For the record, working at a candy factory is far less whimsical than Wonka fans would lead you to believe...although the oompas in the cafeteria make a meeean cup of coffee.

Stress

2008-07-08T07:21:00.000-07:00

It barely seems worth mentioning that I'm still jobless. You would have heard otherwise, reader-san. The day I get hired, Chicago will collapse to its knees, ears bleeding, from my shrill squeaks of delight. Puppies citywide will stampede, ships will sail, buildings will crumble, and my mom will be disappointed that I took the wrong job. Because no matter who hires me, I promise you, it's the 'wrong job'.

Those of y'all in the theater world know how i feel. Few children become what their parents expect, if any. Pad's parents have been incredibly supportive of his goals (and they're lawyers, for chrissake), and set a rare example of light-touch parenting. Of course, he doesn't have panic dreams about getting a B+, but I doubt he misses them.

So I continue to go on interviews, and follow up, and apply to anything I can find. Ironically, both my stepfather and bio-dad talk about Chicago in unflattering terms, and Mom suggests things like avoiding ATM surcharges and applying for THIS job, this one right here online. I'm deeply grateful for their financial support, and help in my job hunt. But damn, the interest is pretty steep.

At (a small, seemingly pointless 8 hours of) Work

2008-07-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

Last week I was stuffing envelopes, today I'm alterating between 4 floors of a company, covering 20 minute breaks and lunch breaks for the receptionists. Thank GOD I busted my ass to graduate early with an honors degree. Reaping the rewards of that crucade, y'all.

On the awesome side, my friend Eric is buying a condo (well, like 90% buying a condo, knock on wood) and his amazing, huge and awesome apartment will be available at the end of august. Not only is the space bigger and VERY cute, the rent is lower. Holy unlikely, Batman! Now I just need to convince my mom to let me stay in Chicsgo, and change my lease to get out of my teeny (yet cute) YET overpriced place.

This would all work a lot better if I had a job, God. I'm just sayin....

Learning Curves, Baby

2008-06-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

My mom sent me a Rosetta Stone Level 1 and 2 CD-ROM, and I can't thank her enough. I'm so excited to try out the program; I've heard nothing but good reviews of the company.

I'd studied Spanish in high school, and it never sank in for me. Maybe it's because my teacher was a bitch (ahem), maybe it's because memorization of vocabulary just doesn't sync me up to actually speak the language. RS uses the 'immersion technique', meaning there's no translation. They won't tell you 'roja' means 'red'...they'll label a picture of the color red, 'roja'. Then they teach you through context, a picture of a red apple, and the accompanying sentence 'la manzana es roja'. etc.

Speaking another language has always seemed like a magical skill to me, and something I've never had the confidence to practice with native speakers. Still, I'll keep y'all updated...it should be easier to handle than my Japanese vocab reader, right?

O.K.

2008-06-25T21:28:00.000-07:00

I have a temp job as of this morning at 9am, prepping tickets and ribbons and whatnot for a conference. Did you know that temps are regarded as slow to learn? My goodness, the stand-up material. The stand-up material indeed.

I'm dating Pad, and trying very VERY hard to be calm and not worry so much. The fact is, part of me wants to be with him ALL THE TIME FOREVER WITH KISSES AND HUGS AND CONSTANT VERBAL DECLARATIONS OF AFFECTION. That part of me is shockingly resilient. If only I could focus as well on, say, writing or exercising or learning Spanish or setting up an online shop for my art or training my puppy or repairing my relationship with my brain and heart and possibly ruby slippers.

The other part of me is bored with myself and slightly jealous of his friends and everyone else around my age. They seem to have such a good damn time. I want a good damn time. I want a good damn focused and yet openly adoring my boyfriend time wherein I never worry and when something goes wrong, my first instinct is NOT to be disgusted with myself. (Being narcissistic would be fun, if only for a while. I envy people who just LOVE themselves, no matter what. They seem to have more friends and less worries. Sure, go on, tell me it's not true. I can offer several well-studied examples.)

And a small part of me wishes Pad were in awe of me. He's smart and talented and handsome and so, so much more secure than I, and dammit people like him. I'm awash in stories I can't finish and worries logic can't touch.

*sigh*

remember when I explained the Buddhist principle of accepting the bad parts of life, rather than avoiding them? 'Eat the cold'?

well, turns out there's a Cantonese saying, "you must eat the cold porridge"- to truly master anything, you must work hard when others are playing, work longer, so when you're done and return home there's nothing to eat but cold porridge. Or, in relative, high-school-soccer terms, 'you must miss an episode or two of Buffy'.

I was the captain of the varsity team with a busted ankle, Negative Side. I graduated early, with honors, from the unfunnest college situation ever. I'll eat frozen fucking oatmeal until I pwn you, biotch. You better watch your back.

p.s. GIRLTIME: did I mention I'm dating Pad??? Isn't he just the cutest thing? OMGILH Srsly!1!1! k bai!!!!

Sand

2008-06-12T18:44:00.001-07:00

I've spent a lot of time complaining on this blog, and for that....sorry, y'all. I realize that, now and then, people get quite worried about me. Mostly because when things are going well, I don't write much.

So....

Jobs hunting sucks, but going fine. Interview tomorrow.

Seeing more of Pad. Playing it cool, but fuck it....I'm really excited and I'm hoping for the ultimate best best BEST my god he's so cute ever. I would happily keep sweet tea in my house for the rest of my years if it made him happier.

Puppy and kittzen are angels. Furry, heat-emitting angels. Turning up the AC on the way to bed doesn't quite safeguard against WARM FUZZY CREATURES who simply MUST sleep atop me.

my apartment is cleaner. It's a slow process if I actually keep it up every day...that is, don't dirty up one side of the apartment whilst cleaning the other side. My bedroom is clean. I refuse to let it fall into dis-clean-ness.

Stopped talking to Crowley (fake name...I'm reading Good Omens, ok? sue me) for a while. Turns out I can't handle it. For a number of reasons, but surprisingly...I'm really pissed. God DAMN how I wish I could have a baby right now. I wish a baby was even conceivable (ha) right now. Wish I had the job, relationship, and physical health to even have the option. So...yeah. Can't be supportive right now. Selfish, but true.

Silver Lining

2008-06-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

*sigh* Nerds.

Rain

2008-06-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

let's describe.

stomach is tight
and drinking water
is like passing clay
through cheesecloth
legs are dry
feet are sore
one sore heel keeps cracking open

neck houses a
metal, rusted thing tearing
my throat to tatters
eyes are common red
lips are licked dry
skin is thin in places too near
skin is thick where I have been hurt
and I have trod

sonorous core
the loud and frightened leader
heart or head
takes me to hear the thunder
outside the window
in my bed

Full Disclosure

2008-06-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

Alan broke up with me for a number of reasons, but I think his biggest problem was my honesty. I think that's David's (my stepdad) biggest issue with me too. Mostly because my honesty includes telling people that when they're impolite, it makes me want to kill them. Or, say, when we have a 20 minute conversation and they can't remember my name at the end (god forbid they have the manners to ask) I'll call it out.

Or, for example, when I would rather hang out withOUT giving someone free sex, and they subsequently cancel plans to hang out at all, I calls it like I sees it: Asshole. Incredibly thoughtess and pigheaded.

On the other hand, can I give a big shout-out to Rebecca Grossman, who took the time to text me on June 3rd and led her support. Thank you, honey.

so yeah, honesty. It doesn't suck.

Mellow Yellow

2008-05-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

The Children's Crusade (a brief explanation):

"A boy began preaching in either France or Germany claiming that he had been visited by Jesus and told to lead a Crusade to peacefully convert Muslims to Christianity. Through a series of supposed portents and miracles he gained a considerable following, including possibly as many as 20,000 children. He led his followers southwards towards the Mediterranean Sea, where it is said he believed that the sea would part when he arrived, so that he and his followers could march to Jerusalem, but this did not happen. Two merchants gave passage on boats to as many of the children as would fit. The children were either taken to Tunisia and sold into slavery, or died in a shipwreck on San Pietro Island (off Sardinia) during a gale. "

Lessons learned?

1. Never have stupid children, particularly if you live in Europe.

2. Gales are jerks.

3. Peaceful conversion and matching masses never result in goodness.

also something funny to think about when I'm ovulating. Ah, humans. foolish, foolish humans.

Sleepy Blue

2008-05-20T22:32:00.001-07:00

Depression is an annoying disease. Other people get crazy-powers such as loving themselves forever no matter what! Or having a fun imaginary friend! Or being supergood at math!

I get to be tired TIRED tired constantly. Bah.

Off to sleep for another ten damn hours.

2008-05-19T13:52:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from *ahem* NOT writing to work on my latest, a story tentatively titled 'Kept'. Consider it a response to The Collector although I have no idea how it ends.

I may watch my huge block of J-pop horror movies this afternoon...but sick as this girl is, I probably won't write about any of the major j-topics...incest, castration, torture (well, not in graphic detail, I tend to believe that less is more in terms of unsettling the reader), mass suicide on a train platform, etc.

*sigh* How the hell will I ever convince my kids that scary movies aren't worth sneaking into? They so, so are.

Ahem, boys?

2008-05-15T09:55:00.000-07:00

The evidence is really stacking up, secret LOVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wishbone Vs. Backbone

2008-05-08T11:54:00.000-07:00

Time and I have never gotten along. My memory is spotty, I have no internal clock, I can worry myself into such a frenzy that 5 minutes stretch on for hours.

Dr.G explained that I have a habit (extrordinary talent, more like!!! GO TEAM CRAZY!!!) of fixating on details SO SOOOO much that something inconsequential becomes hugely important:

That guy who sneered at me on the train platform? Ohmygod, he must know I'm having trouble finding a job because I look unhireable and also I'm fat and stupid and my shirt looks ugly and now he's thinking that even if I cleaned up my best looking look wouldn't even be good enough because the best me ever is still a terrible terrible person ohgodwhy but he's totally right and if he can see that so can everyone else all my friends are faking it because they feel too bad to call me out and tell me just how horrible I am what am I saying they don't care about hurting my feelings they just don't even have the effort to give me a hint because they don't really care what i do etc.

seriously.

It's fun inside here, in Jady-Brain. Whee.

So I'm trying very hard to assume that I'm not the worst person ever...nor the least important, nor any other title. In fact, it'd be best to just bust my booty finding a new job, and not consider how people view me at all. My good friends/family is being very helpful when I have an outburst of worry, in their own awesome ways.

Padraic is helping in the only way he knows how:

And I'm not going to judge myself for giggling at this very picture for, like, 20 minutes.

Reveiws

2008-04-29T14:57:00.000-07:00

*

So.

I have free time in the evenings and a job that fairly supports me. (now I just need to lower my rent a scootch. Just a scootch, y'all. Hee. Ssssscootch.)

I have unlimited talent amongst my friends.

I like watching shows alone, but am bored out of my mind with the typical Harold these days.

I want to flesh out my writing portfolio and have written proof that I write like super awesome. (<--This last sentence doesn't count.)

So I'm following through on plans I made a few years ago to try and see all the low-or-no rent shows in Chicago. The shows involving my friends and former classmates and pretty much anyone who drops me an email (and free ticket, hint hint). I'll write reviews and commentary, and share the wealth with anyone who wants feedback/recommendations/early warning.

Do I have a widely respected opinion? Will this process exhaust and eventually snuff me? Wait and see, gentle reader, wait and see.

*a disturbingly accurate likeness of the IO Midnight Jam audience. Hmm.

Missed Connection

2008-04-28T04:36:00.000-07:00

To the young gentlemen who throw their glass bottles on the grass in my neighborhood-

I got a huge bump on my head this weekend,shown poorly photographed above. I'm guessing, considering you guys are huge, HUGE assholes, that it truly belongs to you.

Next time I'm walking my dog, pulling him out of piles of glass every ten feet, you FUCKS, feel free to ask for a replacement head wound. I'll be happy to give you one.

~Jady

Lazy Thursday.

2008-04-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

More later, just wanted to update, and point out that I do NOT invest in strollers or other craaaazy items for my pup. Baby though he is, my lil' man walks on a leash...as ALL children should.

Tire the Un-tire-able

2008-04-17T13:57:00.000-07:00

How do you tucker out a puppy? Bring him to a park. Watch the kids on the playground watching him. Let them use your ball-throwing stick and run after him. Let them continue this for, like, ever.

Watch you pup, your TIRELESS pup, run, then jog, then finally trot slowly after these inhuman creatures and fetch the ball time and time and time again. Watch your pup take the ball and attempt to lay atop it, to stop the endless FETCHING. Laugh.

Corms, you're tired, probably close to puppy-death. But I know this experience will only make you stronger. This one's for you....

Perspective

2008-04-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

When facing a crisis, cry often, clean your apartment, curl your hair, do laundry, walk the dog five times a day, and pull up a lawn chair and break out the popcorn, because the people you know are going to separate themselves into groups based on helpfulness and genuine care.

So to some of my friends, thank you so much. I'm not surprised that you're sweet and helpful and amazing, but I'm proud to have you in my corner. You know who you are.

To the majority, what the fuck. That is all.

And to a chosen few...your actions are appalling and scary. May you never be in a situation where you have close contact with a weaker, less self-assured girl. Thank you for being yourself, so I know who to avoid in the future. Maybe you haven't been terrible. But you've been bad enough to shake my optimism in people. Bad enough to make me reconsider being nice. Well done.

One Year

2008-04-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

on April 11th, 2007, Cormac McCarthy Brooks came into my life. He was the last pup in a litter of chow-chows, he'd come out a short-haired, teeny mutant, and the family who owned his parents were giving him to the pound. Fuck no, I said, and scooped him away into my heart.

A year later, he's cuter and awesomer than ever. He's gotten over his fear of the LAKE, but still hates thunder. He protects me from scary people on the street...and drags me over to meet non-scary people on the street. He's clever and sweet and more optimisitic than his mommy. I love my Corms, my weaselface, my pupcake.

in fact, he inspired this:

Proxychicago.etsy.com

so i'm pretty happy. Gonna go snuggle now.

oh, and I made us breakfast today (gaaaaaaaaaaaay):

2008-04-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

Sunlight this morning, even when my pup was stabbing my face with his cold, cold nose. (read: ATeeeeenshun, PLZ MAAAAHM!!!!! Throwdaballzforme!)

Cold medicine. Fuuuuuuuuck Yeah.

Refreshing

Delicious.

Tasty.

Thank you, components of a good morning. Well done!!!

Info.

2008-04-09T13:27:00.000-07:00

846 w. Montrose Apt #102
Chicago, IL, 60613

favorite colors: (to wear) grey, red, green, earthy. (to have) pink, purple, green

size: shoe 8.5, pants 8, shirt m/l, shame NONE.

Birthday preferences: Warm Weather and a happy pup, a cute dress to wear to the wedding Kendra's taking me to, and the health to enjoy the day. Freckles will occur of their own accord.

*if you feel the need to use my personal info to stalk me/send weird scary shit...I love those genetically altered black roses, and you'll be fighting a lot of hobos for space in the windows across the street. Get your rabies shot and good luck!

Birthday List 08

2008-04-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

Well, it's a mere 18 days to my 23rd year, and I'm making a list. Not because I expect a avalanche of gifts from people grateful to read my clever and refreshing blog (surPRISE me, people. Prove me wrong. with THINGS and STUFF and also ITEMS.)But also because it's fun to think what I might actually buy for myself if I lived above the poverty line.

1.There Will Be Blood DVD

What an incredible film. I didn't think people made ANYTHING this well anymore. Bonus points if you bundle it with a blender so I can have milkshakes as I watch.

2. Dance Dance Revolution (dreamcast edition)

Pad gave me the Pad (gross) and the dreamcast, now I just need the music...the music and the rhythm of my heart, y'all.

3. Cutethings!!!!

some good websites to scour...

http://www.modcloth.com/

http://www.kikkerlandshop.com/

http://hivemodern.com/

4. Cormac Accesories

Anything for my pup will make YOU look good. I promise.

5. Gift Certif.

for Target, Joanne's fabric, and Costco. I know i'm boring, but they're damn useful places to go.

Ya Give Me Fever

2008-04-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

Without disrespecting privacy, I'll just say that Alan and I broke up this weekend. Apparently he had a lot of issues that weren't likely to be resolved, so he took the mature route: lecturing me at midnight while I'm so sick I can barely sit, storming out, and calling the next day to end the relationship while proclaiming that he never wanted to see/hear from/whatever me again. Goodbye forEVER, was the message, if I recall correctly.

Of course, it's possible that I don't remember the situation perfectly. Considering I was throwing up the entire night before and had a fever of 101.5 when he called the next day. Maybe, just MAYBE, it wasn't the best time for me.

Really, when it comes down to brass tacks (tax?), I've been having a very very stressful few weeks. I know he has too, but if this is the greatest manners he can muster, it's a DAMN good thing I found this out now.

In any case, I'm at work, applying for other jobs under the radar, and I still have this damn fever. Or the remnants. Or maybe I'm still pissed. In any case, there is IS a certain heat (thanks for the literal translation of my plea, Lord) surrounding my head. I suggest no-one fuck with me today.

Just Give me Heat!!!!

2008-04-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

You know, stressed as I am about finding a new job, and upset as I am about having my life all shaken up again, it'd feel O FUCKING K to me, if only I could walk around outside in the warm weather.

There is no warm weather.

God, come on. You've taken my sister, my sanity, and my security. Give me the fuckin' dog beach.

On the Market

2008-03-31T07:58:00.000-07:00

In two weeks, I'll be needing a new job.

Everybody: panic.

Job

2008-03-27T14:23:00.000-07:00

Apparently I'll find out tomorrow.

Or, rather, I will be meeting with my boss to discuss "position updates and freelance options and yeah", as I recollect.

So. The next 20 hours will be devoted to interpreting that vague statement in the worst imaginable way; To assume i get fired, humiliated, and die.

See...that's how your brain works when you're chock-full of crazy. Fun, no?

2008-03-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

It's a month away from my next birthday, and I'm looking forward to it. The weather will be warmer, the days will be longer...I'll hear back about my job by then, hopefully...I'll take the dog for a walk long enough to tire him out without freezing my cute booty off....

April 26th, the actual Birth Day, Kendra (awesome roomie, see blog to left) is taking me as a guest to a college friend's wedding. L, the bride to be, knows me a bit from my year as a theater major, and is good friends with Kendra. Basically, we're going to pretend the wedding is all for me, and the toasts are just a bit obscure in metephorically wishing me a happy birthday. I better catch that mother-lovin bouquet.

Alan is painting me a scene of my choice for my birthday, so i think I'll have him either do the picture above (from my England days) or another picture I have, of the Chicago skyline as seen from the lakeshore near Belmont. It's lovely, summery, a perfect reminder of why I love Chicago so.

Mom is coming into town the following weekend, so we can have a Birthday/Mothersday Weekend Fantastico. We plan to giggle, get our nails done, shop, and sip strawberry lemonade whilst strolling down Michigan Avenue. We're going to be those women you freakin HATE. So..yeah...prep yourselves for that.

Also, please, please don't hesitate to ask what I want for my birthday. I'll have a list compiled soon...I've learned the hard way that it's not always best to bank on 'surprise me!' as a reply.

Birdhouse House

2008-03-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

Alan's neighborhood reminds me of the area around Highland High School in SLC, and I love the actual houses. Owned by people for years on end. There's a lot of turnover in Chicago, mostly because apartments are rediculously expensive, hard to find, and turning into condos all over the cutest neighborhoods. Kendra and my apartment, for example, was newly rehabbed and rented out at about 1800 a month, i believe. So we would have had to move even if she didn't go back to Cleveland. Damn.

My lease is up in June, and although I love my place, there's a few issues that may never be resolved. Living on the ground floor. The front elevator being constantly broken, meaning the entire building passes my door, LOUDLY, to use the back elevator every day. A big hole in my wall, due to faulty plumbing, that hasn't been fixed for months. The construction next door on a resturant build by the same people who own my building...because god knows they really should refinished and open a bar in the adjacent space before, say, fixing the BIG ASS HOLE IN MY WALL. The rent, which is high now, and likely to go higher when/if I renew my lease. The laundry room, in the basement, with a pacman machine (nice) and dryers that blow gently on the clothing, but fail to, you know, dry them (not so nice).

I'm going to start looking soon. For now, however, I'm just jealous of people who own houses; thus having the freedom to be crazy and hang up twenty birdhouses in their yard. Lucky bastards.

Fin. Al. Ly.

2008-03-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

ok, got a battery charger, and started to DL my pictures from the last month or so. Many of these are from the zoo, since thjere were few kids around and lots of free, scream-less space to take pictures I can't take in the thick of stroller season. Tell me what you think.

Plotting evil...did you know the meerkat is second only to dolphins in fascinating playfulness? I took about 600 pictures of these guys, but he (above) is the only one who took me seriously. And I mean deadly serious.

Fish eating...lettuce? Mmm, strange feeding habits. Photoshop a human head in there for bonus points.

Hands down the coolest graffiti I've seen in real life.

EEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! NO WORDS TO EXPRESS!!!!!!

A proud day for my Irish heritage.

Just TRY to tell me they're not secretly in love...

Reason #608 why I love this city.

This family had a wish...a polar bear sort of wish. But can polar bears touch our hearts without ripping them from our ribcages? Coming to theaters this Christmas.....

I was about 10 feet away. That spider was freakin' huge. Holy. Crap. Nightmare fodder.

Pygmy hippo action! I promise you this creature is fully natural and not anime-enhanced in any way.

Jess!!!

2008-03-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

This is Jess, my best friend. What a picture, huh? Isn't he just the cutest? Don't you just want to pinch him and blow raspberries on his tummy? Wouldn't he just be darling all tucked into a pram with glitter-glue anoiting his various tattoos? Awww. I don't think I'll ever be mature enough to stop teasing him about this headshot, God willing.

Jess has been traveling across the country for a few years, teaching and performing improv, making more friends than I could conciously tolerate. He's friendly. (I know, right? Human connection. gross.)

He also competed in a slam poetry contest this weekend, and won 1st place,m a spot on the Utah Slam Poetry team, and is now officially Grand Slam Champion. I think this means he's on boxes of cereal or something.

Well, Jess, I'm incredibly proud of you. You've been there for the most important moments of my life, you've helped me through a lot of hard, crazy noise and silly, weird incidents, and I love you. I knew him when, people. That's right. Suck it.

Friday Day

2008-03-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of new pictures (this is another from Kendra's album), but my camera is out of battery. Simple to fix, you say? Well, the battery is actually so fantastic, I've never had to charge it, not since I got the camera for xmas. SO, naturally, I've lost the charger. As Alan would say, it's a good problem to have.

Still. Have to buy a new charger. Then pictures will flow like honey.

*after lunchtime shopping*

I have earring and new shirts to wear, green hairties to rock, and a battery charger.

Now where is that bloody job?

Changeover

2008-03-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

I'm still waiting to hear back about the job, and trying my darnest to be non-paranoid. In a perfect world, the interviews would have ended with a 'Welcome to Your Awesome, Secure, Totally All-Yours Job' cake and party. In this reality, they're still interviewing (so they say) and I'm wondering how bad the job market can be that countless people are considered. Countless in my imagination, yes, but countless nevertheless.

When did getting a job become as unlikely as winning the lottery? *sigh* That's my job, other interviewees. Back the f*ck off. Also, die.

The silver lining, i suppose, is that I've taken the time to evaluate my status, and I'm fairly pleased. Observe:

1. A is for age: I'm 22, 23 on April 26th. Still feels odd to be within the 'adult' demographic, but getting more comfortable saying things like 'goddamn kids today! I don't understand 'em. Grumble!'

2. B is for beer of choice: Still Newcastle. Brown, strong, sweet and delicious. Like me.

3. C is for what you can't wait for right now: JOB!!! Also, nice weather. Being able to go for pleasant walks with the pup, open the windows and enjoy the spring, if indeed it still exists.

4. D is for your dog's name: Cormac McCarthy...also a good reminded to finish reading Blood Merridian.

5. E is for essential item you use everyday: Recently got a Brita filter for water; It came with a free Nalgene bottle, so I'm taking the hint and drinking water daily. I feel like I've been dehydrated for, say, the last year or so.

6. F is for favorite TV show at the moment: South Park, which I'm watching since I don't have the scheduling skills just yet to keep track of a sitcom or non-syndicated show. I simply don't have the patience...not even for American Idol.

7. G is for favorite game: Poker, as always, when i get a chance to go.

8. H is for Home town: Missoula, MT. Last year i was getting a job and keeping a terrible work schedule, so i missed two family weddings. I miss those people.

9. I is for instruments you play: Um. I can usually get mad beats out of my knees, when I've a mind to slap 'em.

10. J is for favorite juice: Grapefruit. They're in season, so I went on a bit of a spree...eating 6 in two nights, getting more, eating them, getting more...mmm....nearly as fun as pomegranate season, less danger of dying my hands pink.

11. K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: Hahahahahaahaha...oh, the usual. Lots of people need a good kick in the teeth. But i see them less, and therefore hate them with less passion. I need to kick my own ass into shape and start working out.

12. L is for last food you ate: Special K mixed with Frosted Flakes....that counts as healthy if I used skim milk, right?

13. M is for marriage: Despite my wedding dress post, no, not anytime soon. Recently broke up with Cute Boyfriend, who i dated for nearly a year, and seeing someone else for a few weeks...so if anyone I know proposed, I'd have to lecture them on their timing. Oh, except Ted Raimi. And possibly Nathan Fillion.

14. N is for your name: Jady. Also Yessica, Woman, Lady, Angel, and Proxy. Also Crazy McLotsofnames.

15. O is for overnight hospital stays: None! I'm not even crying everyday. It's a freakin' miracle...but I'm enjoying myself, AND don't feel guilty for enjoying myself. I'm a world away from where I was.

16. P is for people you can't live without: They should know who they are.

17. Q is for quote: "Live a life you want to tell your children about."

18. R is for Biggest Regret: Getting too caught up in myself to keep my loved ones in my life happy and close.

19. S is for status: Happy and hopeful. Hate the weather.

20. T is for time you woke up today: 6:30-ish, with a puppy licking my hand and nosing my face. *sigh*

21. U is for underwear you have on now: Obligatory. Sorry, but it's Thursday and this week has gone on for at least a month.

22. V is for vegetable you love: Mmm, I would kill for some delicious tomatoes right now. I know they're not technically a veggie, but I'm just craving one that isn't mealy or flavorless.

23. W is for worst habit: Ahem. Working on it.

24. X is for x-rays you've had: What???? None lately. Too many in the past to count.

25. Y is for yummy food you ate today? That cereal was pretty good, but I'm getting a salad later that may kick its ass.

26. Z is for the zodiac sign: Taurus. Just on the horizon. I'll totally owns the place.

Still Waiting...

2008-03-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

But as I quiver with antici.........pation, you may ENJOY, in his Featuring Role on, SATURDAY NIGHT LIIIIIVE, CORMAC MCCARTHY!

hee.

I Hate The Waiting Game

2008-03-07T10:19:00.001-08:00

I'm a very impatient person. *sigh* I've been guzzling tea like a maniac because I can't stop fidgeting; then at least my hands are busy. With tea. I guess. argh.

My biggest pet peeve in the world is people who can't make up their minds, and just slowly shuffle towards an eventual choice. They order slow, talk slow, respond slow, and here i am all ready to take the next step. I've made up my mind. I rarely back-step, and I usually regret relenting. (say that ten times fast)

I've been having a bittersweet week; I was offered an internal interview at my company for a full-time position. Alone, this is great news...it's what I was hoping for all along with my freelance project, and it reflects quite well on me. The real heck of it is that they're apparently interviewing other people from outside the company as well. This puts me in an awkward position.

1) I was interviewed by three people on my floor. I see these people every day, and frankly, I can even see them now, discussing resumes. It's kinda weird to walk over to your bosses desk to ask about a database while they're deciding if you get a real job or not. Very weird, actually.

2) IF, and god forbid, IF someone else gets the job, that'll be a newer employee working over me, and I may cry/hate them/feel almightily cheated.

I really hope they make up their minds soon. I'm the best choice, people...geeze, you already hired me, so clearly you're...um...ok with hiring me, eh?

Red Dress

2008-03-04T15:03:00.000-08:00

I've said for a long time that I want a red wedding dress (because, *ignore this, Family*: white is a lie) Never really found one the right color and elegance, apart from Nicole Kidman's dress in Moulin Rouge. But this one is pretty damn close.

Here Thar Be Dragons

2008-03-03T11:07:00.000-08:00

Kendra came to visit a week ago, returning to Chicago for the first time since her graduating and moving home to Cleveland. (the above pic is pre-graduation, I just love it soo. Me over-dramatic and pale, Kendra pretty and direct...that's pretty much us in a nutshell) Kendra looks great, she seems happy, and we had a hell of a fun time shopping, going to a strangely non-affecting play, and drinking absinthe/beer/that alcohol the server put on the table because it's there on the table and that's what you do with drinks unless you want an over-loaded table and a dangerously non-existant buzz.

The puppy and kitty remembered their favorite aunt and clung to her like lint; Dante even confiscated her suitcase for use as a throne and Cormac drew himself up as tall as could be (to impress her). Needless to say she's the cool aunt, lets them smoke in her car, and rolls her eyes to them every time I discuss chores. BAH!

She seems so much happier than before, although she misses chicago. She has a great job, looks hot as hell, and hasn't aged a day. If she's reading this, she also totally should buy me a trench knife and smuggle it over state lines into trench-free illinois. Shhh. Do it, Kendra. but Shhhh.

Odin Brown

2008-02-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

Stoppit, Odin Bakken Brown. I shall NOT have babies simply to rival your cuteness.

aaargh!!!!!

edited to add:

http://a7.vox.com/6a00e398a9bbe5000400e398abe99f0002-pi

Happiness Is

2008-02-22T10:41:00.000-08:00

This is probably my favorite picture in the world: Ashley, me and my cousin Ali sitting on the steps (I swear, judging by the photos, I spent 90% of my childhood sitting on stairs)...me showing off a lil' crotch, Ali and Ashley smiling like nerds, and my arms bent out of their sockets hugging them both to me.

I miss Ashley so much, more than I thought possible. On TV, people die, people mourn and two weeks later it's all drained down to a dramatic pause every now and then. Or a single cleansing binge with alcohol. Or the bereaved wander about the world's rim for a bit, see a butterfly, and know all is right and good.

Butterflies are NOT that helpful in real life. Anyone who tells you differently is an insect sympathizer and should be lined up along the courtyard wall, if you follow me.

I had pasta during lunch and, while slurping, got alfredo sauce in my eye. Wearing glasses, even. All of a sudden I miss Ashley with a force I casn't describe, just thinking about how much she'd tease me for being so, so damn clumsy. I miss her when life is hard, when it's fun, and when it's rediculous. I accept the bittersweet reality that I'll miss her all my life.

"Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters."

Thank you, 5 minutes

2008-02-21T08:33:00.000-08:00

I'm uploading photos to an online database that ques each photo and reorders them before uploading, meaning that it's slow as a gin fizz. Oh oh, ah, there we are. It's stopped completely. To think. About killing all humans.

I'm going to take a five before I destroy myself/the office.

Distraction

2008-02-20T13:47:00.000-08:00

I was going to write a blog about Ryanne's family dealing with her death, and how it triggered a lot of stuff about the infamous summer of '03, but it turns out that some things ARE too private for a blog.

Don't worry. That totally doesn't include poop or va-geen-ah stuff.

In any case, here's a quiz to prove I can still type.

1. What is the name of the best book you ever read? What is it about?

Mists of Avalon, by marion Zimner Bradley. It's about the women in the Authurian legends, and reltionships and love and religion and how each screws with the other. I find something new every time I read it. Love that book.

2. What is the name of your all time favorite TV character? What were they in and why do you like them?

Shizz....perhaps Xander from BTVS. He's the only one without mysterious origins or incredible powers, just a guy, and yet he's so extrodinary in that he takes care of himself and his loved ones with humor and not a little effort. Same, actually, for Ned Flanders. They're the normal, non-crazy ones who sometimes get ignored, but become the soul of the entire series.

3. If an actor/actress could play you in the story of your life, who would it be?

Rachel McAdams or Julianne Moore. According to Jarky, Moore is the clear frontrunner, and I'm deeply flattered by that.

4. Who would you have dinner with if you had the opportunity and what would you hope to learn from it?
A. Al Sharpton
B. Martin Luther King, Jr.
C. Malcolm X
D. Adolf Hitler

Hitler. How to influence people.

5. You have a choice to spend 2 hours with one of the following. Who is it and why?

A. Lucille Ball
B. Elenor Roosevelt
C. Paris Hilton
D. Anne Frank
E. Jude Law
F. Brad Pitt
G. Albert Einstein
H. Mel Gibson

Lucille Ball! and I'd want it all ON TAPE.

6. Who, in your life, has made you laugh more than anyone else you know or have ever known???

Robyn and Ashley. There's things that sisters can say that make you laugh in a way you simply can't with people who've known you less than 20 years.

7. If you could go away for three days---completely disappearing off the map---where would you go? What would you do when you got there?

Egypt, and ride down the river, stopping where there's no hotel in sight. Possibly make a detour to morocco and find a gin joint.

8. If you could touch (inspire/help/uplift/make better/etc.) someone's life, anybody, who would it be and why?

My dad. I'd give him back the years he lost.

9. What is worse: Making a big mistake in life, or living the rest of your life saying, "if only..." or "what if..."?

I kinda do both? But regrets are not necessarily bad...when you choose the best of two options, it doesn't actually mean that the other option wouldn't have been wonderful. The trick is to regret within reason.

10. What is the one thing you know you'll regret if you never do it and what is stopping you from doing it???

Getting published. Finishing a manuscript...and being a pussy.

11. What are your feelings about the price of freedom?

better for most is always worse for some. Ultimate freedom is harmful and too much power for people as a whole. As far as personal freedoms are concerned, worth fighting for, as long as you're aware and accepting of the terms.

12. What is your definition of success?

Living a life about which I'm proud to tell my grandchildren.

13. If you could give happiness to one person forever, who would it be and why that particular person?

My mother, because she is the strongest person I've ever met.

14. Most people believe that love and hate are polar opposites, this is not so- being fair; you have to love someone before you can hate them- with this knowledge---Which is a stronger emotion, love or fear? Why?

Love. because no one seeks out fear in their darkest hour. They want love to keep them strong.

15. Have you ever spent time in juvie, jail, or prison whether as a visitor or inmate? What did you take from that experience?

Only a psych ward, and I say totally without humor that captivity is terrifying and cruel.

16. Which of your mistakes taught you the biggest lesson of all?

Hoping other people would change.

17. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

To seek out my career as a writer without worrying about money, ever.

18. What do you think is the biggest difference between men and women (without saying something ridiculous like a penis or some obvious and overdone theory on the differences between the sexes)?

Men rarely do anything that doesn't benefit them. Women rarely do anything without hoping for recognition.

19. FINISH the sentence...
"Life is short, but --better than the alternative."

Icing on the Cake

2008-02-18T11:48:00.001-08:00

This weekend, I've broken up with my boyfriend of nearly a year and helped my friend deal with the sudden death of his 19-year-old niece. I nearly fainting giving blood and I haven't had a minute to take care of things I need to be comfortable. Today, the first time I've had free to do chores, checking my laundry, I find a note atop my dryer, where I've gathered some lint to toss out after my clothing is entirely dry (it's shedding season, and I have to clean the lint out like every 10 minutes). The note reads, in this line format:

Why is there never
a mess like this when
anyone else does laundry
?
clean up after
yourself.

I wrote back:

"if you have a problem, leave your name or come speak to me in 102.
I'm ignoring any other passive-agressive anonymous notes.

-J Brooks"

too agressive?

in all fairness, my first draft was 'Fuuuuuuck. YOOOOOOOOOU.'

Shake yo Ass, But Watch Yourself...

2008-02-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

Winter has a personal vendetta against me. (against me? for me? aaaah, grammar, you sly dog) In any case, this personal, deep hatred was further proven yesterday, on my way to the Hidden Shamrock Pub Quiz.

shuffling along the sidewalk, I came across a patch of ball bearings, marbles, and banana peels and fell so hard on my cute lil ass that I bounced. The entire corner grocery store (the owner's family all love me) came out to check on me, as well as a man cleaning off his car, three commercial airlines, and like 5 superdelegates.

I hobbled on with a sore, sore booty and headache. I slept on a heating pad, which helped a little, but farting hurts and my head still aches (from the jarring impact of ass-to-cement, NOT because it actually hit the ground) and I think I broke something.

So is there a cure for broken ass? Am I mature enough to find this serious rather than hilarious and terrible? No. No, there are ways to alleviate the pain...so here's your riddle, reader-san: How far did I get reading this passage (from an online article) before I burst into giggles? (it's best if you imagine it in a serious, serious DOCTOR voice)

....................

You may be given medication to ease the pain. To reduce discomfort during bowel movements:

Drink plenty of fluids and eat a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.
Stool softeners may help decrease straining during bowel movements.
Sitz baths can help relieve muscle spasms. A sitz bath involves soaking the anal area in warm tap water for 10-20 minutes.
Sitting can be very uncomfortable after a coccyx fracture. Suggestions to make sitting less painful include:

Sit on an air cushion or doughnut pad.
Alternate between sitting on one side of the buttock or the other.
Try sitting on a hard chair. Sinking into a soft chair sometimes increases the pressure on the coccyx.
Slouch to move your weight forward and off the coccyx. Note: This advice holds only until you are well enough to sit properly again.
Sit on a telephone book, with the area of the coccyx hanging off the posterior portion of the phone book.

I am Ready for Jelly...Please?

2008-02-11T14:45:00.000-08:00

I've had a crush on this company for years, and finally have my feet on the ground enough to try and ask it out (read: Bookstore Wage-whore is not the last thing on my resume). As any modern lady will know, nothing helps you get a date more than a date to begin with. You're approved merchandise. No worries that you're asking out the only company that you think would hire you. This metaphor is getting a bit...terrible...but you see my point.

Dear Ms. LadyIemailed:

Perhaps you are seeking an addition to your *ellyvision team. A new person can provide innovative approaches, new viewpoints on projects, and contribute to the dynamics of the company. I am hungry for a job that is challenging and demands my best performance, allows me to collaborate creatively, and fosters the desire to gain knowledge/experience in all steps of production.

Presently, I am working at *Publisher* as an image coordinator, ordering photographs and illustrations and tracking progress on publishing projects (I'd go into more detail, but I'm not allowed to delve into specifics). I've been working in a freelance capacity, and have gotten a number of compliments on my productivity and energy.

Enclosed is my resume for your review and consideration. *ellyvision has a reputation as a fantastic company and an office environment brimming with talent, humor and creativity. I would like to use my passion and energy to contribute to your products. I have several references available upon request, and I can provide you with additional materials to show I can benefit your company. If you prefer, you may reach me in the evenings at (###)-###-####, at this email, or myemailwhichImnotpullingontheblogforfearofvillans@hotmail.com.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to meeting you.

Sincerely,

Jessica (Jady) Brooks

Also, I didn't once mention how cute my puppy is (in the cover letter). I hope they can read between the lines on that one; I really meant to say "I'm a great employee...and my puppy is a snugglebunny, so I've got that going for me, right?"

In the Spirit of February

2008-02-10T21:55:00.000-08:00

growing out my bangs (fringe for you english types). They're at the point where the control is nearly gone...from the right angle, you can nearly imagine them opening up their great jaws and gobbling up my face.

But I shall not let them best me. I shall overcome.

Monster=Hilarity

2008-02-07T12:16:00.000-08:00

To Whom it May Concern,

The administration has chosen to take immediate, if not retaliatory action against the recent 'Grendel' situation. Despite several door refurbishments, Grendel has apparently visited a number of times after office hours, and possibly (the management cannot make further confirmations prior to court) eaten thirty men during each intrusion. As many of you have noticed, this particular fellow consumes only a portion of each victim, but nevertheless causes emotional turmoil and severe hinge and lumber damage. Therefore, we have ascertained that Grendel is, in fact, a nibbler. Those of the Caramel and Nougat lineages would do well to sleep towards the rear of the hall. We request others with less sweet, sweet blood to establish cots near the door, as a deterrent. Take one for the team, people. Rest assured, we are seeking outside assistance, but with the rash of sea monsters in the nearby strait, the contractor may be delayed up to 2 weeks.

As a final note, the weekly Dane vs. Swede Tuesday Bingo Madness will be suspended until further notice.

-Hrothgar, General Manager and Hall Administrator

I'm so sorry to post this...but I am so, so sick of talking about SNOW

2008-02-06T13:22:00.000-08:00

Did I mention that my BuFF girl Meredith lives in Hawaii? The world's cruelty shall never end.

I am about to kill simply everyone...so I'll do a mindless quiz to take the edge off. (I did not ruin the numbering..that was someone else.)

1. Would you rather have a girlfriend/boyfriend, or friends with benefits?
FwithB never works out equally for both people involved, and I'd rather know where i stand. Boyf please.

3. How have you felt today?
I want to go home and craft.

4. When was the last time you had butterflies?
over toast, this morning.

8. When was the last time you talked to your #2?
I do not talk to pooh. Whoever told you that is a very intuitive but untrustworthy bast*rd.

9. And why might that be?
Maybe I do. I tell my puppy what a clever genius he is when HE poohs. I have pets...pooh runs my life, ok? handle it.

10. Something you say often?
"Cat!!! Dog!!!!! What is your ish? who abuses you? Oh, I do? oh god no. POOR BABIES. "

11. Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
I could always find a reason why, foo, I have ovaries.

12. What are you wearing on your feet?
nothing but a smile, baby....wait....

13. Do you tend to fall for people easily?
Meeeeeeh.

14. Do you have plans for today?
Eating, laundry, dressing in warm clothes and bundling myself onto the couch.

15. Do you like your name?
It's like angels singing.

16. What color are your fingernails?
nothing but a smile...wait...dammit!

17. What person in your family are you the most like?
My family is all types of crazy and awesome. i couldn't bear to pick just one.

18. What kind of cell phone do you have?
Red and flippy.

21. Things you first notice about the opposite sex:
Voice, hands, manners.

22. Do you cry easily?
*sob* why do you ask?

23. Last time you were disappointed?
hoping for a snow-day this morning. no such luck.

24. Do you like being in pictures?
I like good pictures of myself, of which there are few. I also hate it when someone compliments a picture of me looking terrible...like really? is that the best i ever look? oh god.

26. Are you happy at the moment?
pretty much.

27. Would you kiss the last person you kissed?
...weird question. YES.

29. Do you have any piercings?
two in each ear and a nose stud that's all grown in and a belly ring.

30. Are you comfortable with answering personal questions?
*faints*

31. Last time you fell down? Why?
never happened. I'm super graceful.

33. Who was the last person to call you?
citibank. I hate them.

34. What were you doing at 10 am?
work. also...work.

36. Last person who drove you somewhere?
Brett, who was acutely uncomfortable.

37. What do you hear right now?
air processing in the building. It's like we work under a river.

38. Who was the last person to wear your clothes?
Me, also the dog.

39. What is the first thing you did when you woke up?
hit the snooze button /genius.

40. What woke you up?
The anti-snooze alarm.

41. What was your last thought before going to sleep?
Snooze! no, actually probably something along the lines of 'that goodness I gave puppy a bath. Also, the cat has crazy amounts of body heat for a lil' guy.

42. Do you like fire?
Do you has enemy is flamable? I handles it.

43. What do you do when you had a bad day?
begrudge sharing my beauty with the world.

45. What was the last book you read?
reading His Dark Materials trilogy, nearly done.

46. Who was the last person you ran into unexpectedly?
Brian.

47. Do you have a job?
yes. But I will accept offers.

48. What was the last thing you ate?
a bagel and like 8 pounds of tea.

50. Who do you talk to the most in your classes?
Um. I USED to talk with my sister by texting. God, I hate college.

52. What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
totally didn't die yet.

54. Would you rather get up early or sleep in?
who choses the first option, seriously?

55. Tell me about the shirt you're wearing:
black. emo-tastic, I bet.

56. What would you change about your life right now?
car, apartment i own, another pup and cat, great job, a bling ring on my fing'.

57. Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
.........so this is a no-win thing, huh?

59. Who's the last person (other than family) you got into an argument with?
probably Jess. but I'm sure he deserved it.

60. Do you trust people?
not in groups.

61. Do you like anybody right now?
tee hee giggle.

62. Who's the last text message you received from?
That grammar is so painful, I can't even consider answering, from?

Straight Illin'

2008-02-05T06:27:00.000-08:00

A picture of my victorious visit to Coney Island, wherein I rode the Cyclone and didn't even cry. I usually won't even consider riding a roller coaster, since 50% of the time they clip off your legs and smoosh your organs and ruin your credit rating. During my stay in NYC, however, I was dating a man who convinced me to try out the Cyclone, explaining that as a wooden roller coaster, it gave more and cushioned the car a bit, rather than jangling like a metal track. After two plastic mermaids full of pina colada, I agreed to try it. We rode the bastard twice(I decided that the first time, which my eyes squeezed shut and hands clinging to the car, didn't quite count), and the entire city of New York was very very impressed by my courage.

It's occurred to me that most of the important steps I've taken in my life have been motivated by my relationships; I moved to Chicago for an x, I moved to England to prove a point, I came home early for my sister, and so on. In fact, my biggest struggle has been doing things for myself, when it feels so much more validated to take care of someone else. That's not to say that I'm unconditionally generous, but as far as my loved ones are concerned, I'll do nearly anything to make their lives better.

Hmm. Maybe that's why I dislike strangers so much. The scale's tipped WAY out of their favor.

2008-01-31T12:26:00.000-08:00

Living in New York City two summers ago, I passed this man, drawing the Madonna and Jesus-baby on a corner just north of Washington Square Park. This picture was on about the second day, when he had drawn and spray-set the outline and began to color and shade. When he was finished, about a week later, it rained. The spray he used kept the drawing intact (yay), and the rain made each color richer and darker.

On the topic of madonnas a nd jesus-babies, I've always loved the way they portray the baby. Always calm, usually holding up a hand, palm forward or to the side; "Ok guys, calm down. I know I'm still a baby, but keep your shit together for a few more decades and I'll be ready to give lessons. Just, you know, chillax a while."

Hope

2008-01-28T06:28:00.000-08:00

I auditioned twice this weekend, for an improv show and a web sitcom (webcom? sit.com? Hmmm). I've been off the acting train for at least 6 months, and its been over a year since I last auditioned. I've missed it, and hopefully I'll hear back from one/both this week. If I had to choose between the two, however, I would go for the improv show. The audition was very fun, and the show itself is music-themed. I'm absolutely terrified of singing in public and don't like my voice; I'd welcome the chance to change my own mind.

Also got to spend some time with Pad, who is being just delightful. After breaking up for a while, and talking with him about his concerns on the matter, I'm cautiously optimistic. Hopeful, even. The fact is, he took steps such as bringing over his computer and air conditioner, spending most nights at my place, and dropping certain L-bombs without being entirely sure of his feelings toward me. Then he felt crowded, and guilty, and generally uncomfortable. I, in turn, saw him stepping back and called him out on it, because I have no internal monologue.

I, for one, would rather see him less, if it meant every time we hang out, he's been looking forward to seeing me. Actually, considering my current schedule, I probably couldn't see him much more than a few times a week, unless we were living together (and frankly I don't want to live with anyone right now, no matter how much I love them). Still, I'm very impatient. I nearly always have immediate, strong first impressions of people, I can't think of a single person I know that I DON'T know exactly how I feel about. With Pad, I have to remind myself that he's probably not as focused as I am on the status of EVERY SINGLE relationship in his life (like I am), he probably doesn't take every interaction to heart as a reflection of his worthwhile-ness and ultimate value (who does? me. mostly me.) and won't check in on my frame of mind nearly as much as I want to with his. In short, he's enjoying seeing me and spending time together. I'm skittish when I don't see him for a few days, but holding my shit together.

Jeeze. I make this whole thing sound terrible, and it's not. Despite being generally untrusting of happiness, I'm so so happy to be seeing him again. I hope he knows that.

This Weekend

2008-01-24T08:52:00.000-08:00

Last Friday, Pad and I went to Cloverfield, came home, slept in, and moved gradually to the couch. It was about 5 degrees outside, not including windchill, so even the usually-overheated apartment was chilly. Pad woke up before me and moved the cushions to effectively turn the couch into a lounger. I brought in the comforter and settled in. The only reason to go outside was the puppy. Damn you, The Puppy.

Me: You want to do me a big favor?
Pad: Sit here while you walk the dog? it's a deal.
Me: *sigh*(make no effort to move)

--minutes later--

Me: Want to get breakfast at Arnolds later?
Pad: How about you go walk the dog, and I'll go pick up food...and by 'pick up food' I mean sit here and be warm.
Me: I hate you. I hate you forever.

After walking the puppy, we started watching The Godfather, with Pad explaining the complex introduction of characters, pointing out superyoung actors, and bringing up general cinematic trivia.